We Are All Matt Damon Now

Greetings from the Quarantimes…

So — things are changing quickly.

Were restaurants already takeout and delivery only when I posted yesterday? Who can remember? Anyway — sometime AFTER I posted, all gyms, movie theaters, etc were declared closed until March 31st in Los Angeles. (ClassPass is being very cool about all this, gym-wise.)

Los Angeles is a tough place to keep a restaurant afloat, and I’m very worried that a lot of our favorite local restaurants will not weather this, especially if they have to fully close… which is why we’re waiting on takeout from Pine & Crane right now.

Honestly, I tend to have issues with productivity when I’m home and unemployed, which has been the case since… late November. The one time I always feel okay is over the Christmas/New Year’s holidays, when NOBODY’S working so I don’t have to feel bad about myself. I know people ARE working now, from home and otherwise, but somehow knowing everybody else is bumming around Twitter too makes me feel a lot better and frees something up in my nervous system maybe.

So here’s how today went.


While I was making a peanut butter and banana sandwich, I offered Charlie (who is blind) a banana slice, and he chomped down on both banana and human finger. Luckily it wasn’t bad because hospitals are kinda coronavirus-or-bust right now. But I do have a painful blood blister and… lingering sadness. Dread for the dog-future?


I live-streamed a workout from a local fitness place I’ve been going to on ClassPass. I knew it was going to happen in the afternoon so I ONLY ate the aforementioned sandwich and didn’t snack all day while I wrote, which I think is some sort of mental breakthrough. Maybe afternoon workouts are the way to go while I’m home.

When I was writing on my last show I got into a weird mental loop where I HAD to eat and drink certain snacks while I worked, and I’d like to break myself of that. Because I’m not Pavlov’s dog, you know? I was shocked and pleased when I realized today that I’d been writing without the use of snacks… but did have a LaCroix parked next to me like a totem.

Anyway, I haven’t worked out at home to a video since 2015-ish, I’m typically more of a need-to-be-in-a-class person, and there was something super weird about how I actually hunkered down on this rainy, uncertain day and DID THINGS AT HOME. I can’t tell if Weekday 1 is best behavior, or if I’m gonna go up from here…

I joked to my friends via text that checking off my daily tasks (I even took a probiotic!) as I was basically mandated to be indoors,  I felt like I was in a movie where I was going to filter my pee next, and one replied, “The Martian.”

I was actually thinking about Waterworld but The Martian is more apt. We are all Matt Damon now, staying indoors and checking our potatoes and doing our workouts and video chatting with people — if he did that in the movie, I can’t remember. Maybe he watched old videos? I’m getting it confused with Interstellar in my head because HE WAS IN THAT TOO.


I think the REASON I hunkered down with my writing today was that I had notes from my manager. And I like the notes. It’s nice to be managed! It’s a whole new world and relationship to navigate, and I’m happy to be in that world now.

We could call it Mars if we were going to stretch the metaphor across the categories but… nah. Although… my finger does have a big red spot now. Maybe that’s Jupiter? Saturn? Uranus? Haha, I’ll stop. The food is here.

Oh but I will say, I mentioned today on Twitter that I have a manager now, and how weird timing can be in life and how I feel “skittish talking about it like I might burst a delicate soap bubble.” And one of my friends replied saying, “This is HUGE I just want to allay your anxieties about celebrating at all.”

It is true, somehow the things I work really hard for, when I get there instead of relishing the moment I often feel anxious that it’s not going to stick, or that it’s not the right time to celebrate.

But if not now, when?

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