MOMENTS: A Cheesy Little Mystery

Today is quite likely our last day with Annie, our blind foster dog. She’s starting a trial tonight in Huntington Beach! Crazy enough, her brother (Sully) is also starting a trial tonight in our neighborhood. They’re separate, but still synced.

(Much as my fostering FAQ outlined, everybody wanted us to keep her. Sorry not sorry. We enjoyed her presence, though! She and Charlie had a sweet rapport.)

A little while ago I went to take Charlie and Annie out for THEIR LAST AFTERNOON WALK TOGETHER, and realized that I left my keys in Sam’s car when we went out last night to a party celebrating the premiere of the show I just finished working on. I specifically said, I’d better not forget these, THAT would be bad.

But it actually wasn’t so bad, because I was able to track down spares for everything.

And it turned out that it was not THEIR LAST AFTERNOON WALK TOGETHER, because Annie balked and bailed and I didn’t make her go.

So it was just Charlie and me, walking down our sunny street toward a MASSIVE black cloud. Very ominous stuff. After we’d walked a good amount down the street, I turned back because I got my hair styled yesterday and didn’t want to get caught in the rain.

And behind us? MORE CLOUDS! We were surrounded.

I did my laundry today/it’s day 2 of hiatus, so I was wearing my “jogger” sweat pants (my favorite), my “I ❤ NY” hoodie that I bought like 10 years ago in NYC (so it’s authentic, in case you were worried), and my usual jacket over that. And slippers. And sunglasses.

But I felt weirdly chic about it, because my hair looked fab. So I was like, maybe people think I’m a mysterious ACTOR.

It made me remember that yesterday my hair guy, Russ, asked me if I’d ever considered doing stand-up comedy. I said that I’m just not a late-night-bars kinda gal, and he said that a lot of female comics he knows find their own spaces. Ladies doing it for themselves!

So I was kind of musing about that, and about how I often do little stand-up-esque rants for myself in my head.

I had also just been watching the new Queer Eye and was thinking about Jonathan because he is great. And also about Tan because his last name is France, and whenever he travels he’s sorta flying Air France, get it?

Anyway, about two buildings away from home, Charlie made a play for a little individual-sized bag of Cheez-Its. They were open but NOT EATEN. I pulled him away because I’m a conscientious dog-owner, but I applauded his efforts. Perfectly good Cheez-Its!

I almost wanted to join him in enjoying those Cheez-Its together because… I mean, I love a cheesy, salty processed cracker as much as the next poodle.

I decided right then that I must be at the scene of some terrible crime, because what else would compel a person to drop an open bag of delicious Cheez-Its and leave them uneaten? A knife-wielding psycho? A Godzilla-like beast? A SWARM OF BEES?

It’s not like it’s such a huge serving that they GOT FULL.

I walked away with a lot of questions.

Anyway, if I was a stand-up that is what you could expect… enthusiastic stories about shameless moments (of gluttony) and/or my strange logic. I’m like the Jonathan of No Cheez-Its Left Behind.

If I think of little stand-up bits but then just post them on the internet, did it make a sound?

Btw in one of the scripts on my latest show we talked about Cheez-Its and so I know, fully and professionally, that I’m using the correct and official spelling.

The things you learn on the job!

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