This is Top Chef, Not Top TURTLE

Tre makes hilarious faces.

Every once in a while I have to write about a TV show, or I won’t be able to say that this blog is about TV and snacks. It’ll just be about food, and there are a million (better) blogs about food. My very special niche is TV and snacks.

This week’s episode of “Top Chef All Stars” featured a Quickfire in which the chefs had to beat Tom Colicchio’s speed-cooking, and a dim sum Elimination. I love dim sum! And Dale works at a dim sum restaurant, and cooked sticky rice. So guess who won.

(Spoiler alert: Dale won.) (Spoiler alert: Sticky rice, when done right, is AMAZING.) (Spoiler alert: I really want the Dim Sum Truck to return to our office!)

But the REAL reason I’m writing this post is for Lauren, because this episode featured some Fabio gems, including a FLASHBACK to his famous “This is Top Chef, it’s not Top Scallops!” clip. Prompted by Jamie wanting to cook scallops for the dim sum challenge.

Fabio: Jamie, didn’t  you learn anything from season 5? [Cue montage of Jamie presenting scallop dishes… which were mostly unsuccessful, I guess. I don’t fully remember.]

Flashback– Fabio: This is Top Chef, it’s not Top Scallops!

His hair is longer now.

Red-headed Tiffany also went on a funny rant about how she’s a 36DD, and if she took off her bra she would knock people out. I find it hilarious that one of the guys said something like, “You girls don’t wear bras, do you?” Um… hello? I mean, I don’t know how other girls live. But I’m kind of a Tiffany, so… yeah, bras are for real. They’re not a myth.

If Fabio gets eliminated in the near future, I think red-headed Tiffany or Tre will be the new comic relief. Already Tre is a wealth of funny soundbyte interviews.

On grocery shopping in Chinatown–

Tre: This market isn’t your, like, Whole Foods kinda place. They kind of look at you at the meat counter like, “What you want?” And I’m like, “What’s DEAD?” [Laughs]

Fabio gets a little ferklempt at the turtle tanks.

Fabio: I notice that there is a tank full of turtle. When I moved to the United States, I bought a little turtle. She is a PRINCESS. Once or twice a week, I take her for a walk. I have a little Chihuahua leash that I tie around her shell and tie up to the chairs so she just go back and forth. Now these guys is cutting turtle to make turtle soup. And that’s MEAN.

All during that story, we actually SEE Fabio walking the turtle. Then it cuts back to his interview, and Fabio does a perfect Napoleon Dynamite-style eye roll/sigh combo. “God!” he sighs, exasperated.

Because this aired several days ago, gems such as this are easily Googled:

Oh, Fabio.

I finally got my mom on the “Top Chef” train, and she weighed in that her favorite is the “handsome Italian.” And it turned out she was talking about ANGELO. So weird, because last season he was sort of the villain– right? I don’t know. Everything’s shifting! (And PS, the obvious guy to call “the Italian” would be the one who is FROM ITALY.)

But maybe my mom will have time to join Team Fabio, because– miracle of miracles– his dish was in the top 3.

Casey got out for making inedible chicken feet– which she’d never cooked before. (And which many would argue are not particularly edible, even when prepared correctly.) Casey was mad at Antonia for frying the feet while Casey worked the house, but it turned out that the correct way to cook them was to fry them EVEN HOTTER. So… oops.

Okay, that was a little dose of TV, albeit food-oriented TV. (Appropriate!)


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