Two open letters to my sisters. Their birthdays are October 7th & October 8th. They are not twins. Don’t even suggest it. They will punch you in the face. And then they will punch each other in the face.
Today is your birthday. I’m sorry I couldn’t spend it with you. I’m sorry Paco & Nacho [her alpacas] couldn’t spend it with you. I couldn’t send a cake all the way to St. Louis, so instead I found a picture of a cake on the internet and Photoshopped somebody else’s info out of the picture. This is the cake I WOULD send you, if I were a better sister.
Happy 19th Birthday!
Tomorrow is your 22nd birthday. I’m spending it with you. That’s your present. Take it or leave it.