Crispy Chickenjoy, Juicy Yumburger

A feast for the eyes.

Near the corner of Beverly & Wilshire, in the Koreatown-ish part of LA, sits a restaurant known as Jollibee. Apparently it’s a popular chain in (or from?) the Philippines.

All I know is that they offer the Crispy Chickenjoy and the Juicy Yumburger. And that their mascot is a bee. And– like Bob’s Big Boy– there’s a statue of the bee near the front door.

What do bees have to do with burgers? Other than buzzing around them at un-fun picnics. (Any picnic with a bee is automatically less fun, and probably un-fun.) (Any picnic featuring a person in a Jollibee costume is probably hilarious.)

Several years ago I snapped a good picture of the Jollibee hilarity, but I lost it in the great computer crash of ’04-ish. (I lost several pictures of random signs. Very sad.) (Only sorta sad.) So this is a poor attempt to make up for that.

Do you think they’re reaching, trying to associate their sandwiches with joy? And with… yum? Are the names trying a bit too hard? It sorta makes me think of the emotion of the chicken or the burger itself, which is probably more like… don’t eat me! You humans are the worst!

The assonance of “Crispy Chickenjoy, Juicy Yumburger” (so fun to say aloud!) makes it feel like a decisive ending to a phrase in a poem. To me, at least. (I’m a mediocre poet.) So I decided to try adding it to some classics. What’s the worst that could happen?

Let’s add it to Macbeth:

Out, out, brief candle!

Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player,

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,

And then is heard no more. It is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,

A juicy chickenjoy; a crispy yumburger.

Or William Carlos Williams:

so much depends

a red wheel

glazed with rain

beside the white
crispy chickenjoy.

If only the Crispy Chickenjoy and the Juicy Yumburger had existed in Shakespeare’s time. Imagine the sonnets that he would have composed! (The same ones, probably.)

I was going to do even more, but I’m having formatting issues. But imagine the best minds of your generation destroyed by crispy chickenjoys and juicy yumburgers. What an angry fix!



2 thoughts on “Crispy Chickenjoy, Juicy Yumburger

  1. I have totally had Jollibee. It’s pretty much an American restaurant from the Philippines and then put back in America. It’s like Babelfish, except with food. For breakfast, you can get eggs and hot dogs. For lunch, you can get spaghetti with Crispy Chickenjoy. For dinner, try a Juicy Yumburger with Palabok Fiesta on the side. Why not get a Peach Mango Pie or an Ube (sweet potato) smoothie for dessert?

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