In Which I Try To Hydrate Without Poisoning Myself and/or the Planet

Drink me.

First of all: UPDATE! I think the probiotics are working. I drank the 2nd half of the 2nd container this morning, and I actually do feel better. I’m just from the gimme gimme right now generation, so I expected the vanilla vomit fermented rice to work IMMEDIATELY.

Looking back, I think I have been feeling better since sometime yesterday afternoon. (I had a very rich dinner at O-Bar and felt okay afterward, stomach-wise. Miraculous.) (Though post-meal I felt kinda messed up, brain-wise. I wanted to cry.) (Don’t eat rich food, kids.)

I was starting to think that I was going to feel sick every time I ate anything, which is a shitty feeling. And was also going to ruin the blog, not to mention my life.

Anyway, remember when I drank the nasty old water that may have caused my stomach issues to begin with? Part of the reason I have been drinking old water out of old bottles is because I decided to stop buying water bottles, because… the environment or whatever. (I also bring my own canvas bags to the grocery store. What a hero.)

I’ve been meaning to buy a reusable, BPA-free water bottle. I got a freebie one from my gym, but it was made in China and tasted like lead, so I ditched it. My parents offered me a freebie WashU bottle, but it wouldn’t fit in a cup holder, so I refused it. Finally I stopped waiting for the right freebie to come along, and bought one at Target.

It’s called an Intak, and it’s made by Thermos. I’m no stranger to Thermoses. In elementary school, I brought soup in a Thermos for lunch. Every day.

The nice lunch supervisor would come around open the Thermos for me, because I was weak. Then I would stand up to eat so I could see down into the Thermos (because I was/am short), and the mean lunch supervisor would yell at me to sit down. Every day. (I think I eventually figured out to pour some of the soup into the lid, so I could sit and still see my soup.)

I like this water bottle because it’s purple (duh), and also because it seems like a very happy-go-lucky guy. The gray button looks like a nose, and the metal loop looks like a smiling mouth. He’s like a character from THE BRAVE LITTLE TOASTER.

I like having a friendly companion at my desk. (This is how you know that cubicle life is getting to you.) (Nah, I was already crazy.)

Probiotics, a BPA-free water bottle, canvas bags… look at me, being so crunchy granola.

Being an adult, I guess. And also trying not to ruin the fucking planet. And/or my body.

I even took out my contacts ALL NIGHT last night. (Don’t worry– I have the ones you can sleep in for a month. But I’m supposed to take them out once a week, and I don’t.)

My eyes  don’t know what to do with themselves without the contacts. When I tried to close them, they felt like they were burning. I saw monsters. (Is it possible to have withdrawals from contact lenses?)

Don’t do contact lenses, kids. They may seem cool, but they’ll fuck your shit up.

But DO drink water. Clean water, out of clean containers. That’s safe… or so we think.



2 thoughts on “In Which I Try To Hydrate Without Poisoning Myself and/or the Planet

  1. Mr. water bottle is pretty cute. Did you name him yet? If you didn’t Nicole would be happy to, I’m sure.
    Your Birkenstock sandals are in the mail.

  2. Thermoses are the best. That lid-on-a-lid thing that pops off to become a teacup? Oh snap. That thing rocked my world. I hope you wash your new one, though, because I remember the smell in the one I had in kindergarten, and it was enough to make me switch to Capri Suns.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s