Snack of the Afternoon, 8/17/10: GRAHAM CRACKERS (& DECAF)

How many shades of brown can I fit into one picture?

Trying to keep the snacking relatively spartan today, because I know I’ll be feasting on Indian food for dinner.

I’m a big fan of dipping graham crackers into drinks: milk, cocoa, coffee, beer… (Okay, I haven’t tried graham crackers and beer, but it’s a drink so it would probably be okay.)

The key is that the graham crackers have to get saturated and soggy without breaking off into the milk/coffee etc. (In that case, you have to fish the cracker out immediately. Keep a spoon handy.) Even in cold milk, critical crumble mass is achieved faster than you’d expect. Vigilance is key.

Today’s snack is also appropriate because it’s my Graham-pa’s birthday. He’s eighty-six years old. Impressive, right?

About 100 years before my grandpa was born, graham crackers were invented by a doctor who believed that bland foods would suppress “carnal urges.” (He was wrong.)

So… graham crackers were specifically invented to be meh. (And these graham crackers are low fat, so they’re basically cardboard.) That’s why you have to put peanut butter on them, or crumble them into yogurt, or dip them in milk. Or… make s’mores!

I sure know how to sex up a graham cracker. But… man, I’d throw them out the window if I thought they were fucking with my sex drive. Don’t fuck with my sex drive, graham crackers! (Apparently they aren’t lowering my levels of rage, either.)

Boy, marketing has changed in the past two centuries. What ISN’T marketed with the promise of sex these days? (Baby food?) (Sorry new parents.)



One thought on “Snack of the Afternoon, 8/17/10: GRAHAM CRACKERS (& DECAF)

  1. I looked up Sylvester Graham on your link. Not only was he from New Jersey (strike one) he was a total perv. Here’s what Wikipedia said: “According to newspaper records, many women fainted at his lectures when he aired opinions both on sexual relations and the wearing of corsets.” Was he for or against corsets, I wonder?
    He invented his Graham cracker for blandness, so he probably would have cursed that temptress-the luscious S’MORE. S’more eaters would have been forced to wear a scarlet “S”.

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