Welcome to your heart attack.

This past Saturday my friends and I went whale watching, because… why not? We got half-off tickets thanks to Living Social.

The trip left from the Balboa Fun Zone– familiar territory for me. It’s in Newport Beach, and I was BORN in Newport Beach. Literally. I’ve never actually lived there, but I’ve visited a trillion times. (Not literally.)

So I took a few snaps of all of the snacks. Not pictured: Corn dogs, because I tried not to show any actual people. To protect the innocent! (The guilty-of-eating-corn-dogs innocent.)

We’ll start with a bucket ‘o fries. That’s the official name, too. “Bucket ‘O Fries.”

Alas, poor arteries.

Next, my personal snack-of-choice. The soft pretzel. This is one of the better ones I’ve had in the recent past. I think the sea air had something to do with it.

Why is it making such an unhappy face?

Stop frowning, Mr. Pretzel. You are delicious! Also, I never actually eat all of the salt that they put on there. I think I’d die of a sodium overdose.

The (canceled-before-its-time) TV show “Arrested Development” took place in Newport Beach and featured a family-run banana stand, so people are always delighted to see that frozen bananas are in FACT a part of the Newport snack scene. (For the record, “Arrested Development” captures Orange County more accurately than many of its reality TV counterparts.)

I love rainbow sprinkles, so these were especially delightful.

Double banana shot!

And now a shot with Whitney’s colorful shoes, because… color color color. Love it.

The rainbow confection.

And then we went out and saw a bunch of dolphins and a blue whale. It was 70 feet long and eats 1.5 MILLION calories a day. Can you IMAGINE how many snacks we could be eating, on that kind of diet? But they just eat krill. Krill krill krill. Bo-ring.

What are your favorite beach snacks? I remember going to the snack bar during summer camp beach days, buying chocolate malt cups, and bumming Hot Tamales candies off of my friends. They seemed sooo spicy at the time. And on the bus home, we made lanyards.

Wow, summer used to be awesome.

On our way back into the harbor, we happened to pass the site of one of my Camp Sholom beach day memories (c. 1st or 2nd grade)…

Ah, memories.

This cove area is next to a big beach. The counselors asked who wanted to climb over to the cove (I USED to think this was called Little Corona, but it’s NOT Little Corona), and I was like, OH YEAH. So I climbed over there, got into the water, and fell on a rock or a piece of coral or something. (Or maybe just rubbed against it the wrong way? It was a long time ago.)

Bottom line, I gashed my leg. Not like hospital-worthy, but big Band-Aid worthy. I don’t really remember it hurting that much, other than the whole salt-water-and-sand-in-the-wound element.

Immediately after my counselor bandaged me up, I went back into the water at the bigger beach and the Band-Aid fell off, and the camp people were like, Tough. (I remember that the camp director had an umbrella with all the colors of the rainbow. Goes along with the whole rainbow sprinkles thing. Let’s tie this all up with a bow.)

But the coolest part was that for YEARS I had a scar on my leg that was just a series of horizontal lines, like a barcode. I thought it was the best. But then it faded… by middle school, no more scar.

So yeah, the site of a place where I GASHED myself brings back totally wistful memories. Oh, to be young and scarred and eating a melted chocolate malt with one of those wooden stick spoons.



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