Snack of the Afternoon, 5/6/10: YOPLAIT RED VELVET CAKE YOGURT

There you have it.

Hello, friends. I know, it has been a few weeks. I swear I have a lot of semi-good excuses. Lots of changes. Muchos cambias. Something like that. Even a new roommate, for good measure.

There are so many shows that I am watching but not writing about. There are so many random food pictures that I haven’t posted. Ugh, you guys. I’m rolling this blog uphill!

Anyway, today’s snack is Yoplait’s new Red Velvet Cake flavored yogurt. My friend told me that it was good (however– his tastes are almost completely opposite mine), and then ex-ex-roomie Lauren tweeted that she would drive 10 miles for red velvet yogurt.

But then I found out that Lauren was tweeting about red velvet flavored FROZEN yogurt. From a frozen yogurt shop. (I am going to try it this weekend. In Redlands.) (Snack Trek!)

When I saw this yogurt on the yogurt shelf at my local Albertson’s, I thought… hm, well I know ONE person who likes it. Why not? I decided to try it for the sake of the blog, even though it’s fat free. I have a thing against fat free yogurt, because it’s made with aspartame. In other words, I put my life on the line to try this yogurt for you. If I get cancer, I’m blaming you. The whole Internet.

There’s a shopping list on the fridge at work, and at the beginning of the season I wrote something really snooty, like, “Yogurt without artificial sweeteners.” Ouch. When did I get to be such a jerk? Oh yeah, cancer. My impending cancer made me a jerk.

So I popped open this yogurt, and immediately I was less than impressed. The color was all wrong. Red velvet cake is supposed to be a deep red, like… velvet. You know, lustrous. Example:

Are you hungry now?

I took a picture of the yogurt next to some other red things that I had on my desk, just to show you the discrepancy here…

Red velvet? More like PINK velvet.

I mean, I guess you could just compare the color of the yogurt to the color of the picture ON THE CONTAINER. False advertising.

I also… I guess I’m silly, but when I think of cake I think of a certain mouth feel. You know, a cakey texture. For some stupid reason I expected this yogurt to have… crumbles? I don’t know, something.

Most disappointingly, though… it just tasted like some version of vanilla. The flavor was completely generic. You could have blindfolded me and asked me what flavor it was, and red velvet never would have crossed my mind. It was basically Yoplait flavored.

I took a few bites and then made myself one of those cute 100-calorie packs of Orville Redenbacher’s popcorn just to get the sort of chemical-ish aftertaste out of my mouth.

In all fairness, red velvet cake is one of those sometimes, special occasion snacks. I’d rather have really good red velvet once in a blue moon than a weird aspartame replica of it. I’m actually glad I didn’t love this yogurt. If I loved it, maybe I’d want to eat it every day. One less thing to give me cancer.

And I’m getting cupcakes this weekend from Lauren. (That, AND the frozen yogurt. I’m a lucky gal!) Suck it, bland yogurt fakers!



One thought on “Snack of the Afternoon, 5/6/10: YOPLAIT RED VELVET CAKE YOGURT

  1. I really appreciate this article and the attention brought to the questionable ingredient of aspartame, which may be a contributable factor linked to cancer. As a whole, I love red velvet cake, and the thought of red velvet yogurt, relieves me of guilt with consuming 100 calories. Its not readily stocked in grocery shelves, but I finally bought out a shelf at the market today. It tastes alright, but a few cake cumbles would satisfy my palate. But, 14 grams of SUGAR and the controversal ingredient of aspartame? So not worth it!!!!!! I’ll get indulge in the real deal, but smaller portions.

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