BIGGEST LOSER Finale Tonight!

We're all so excited!

The losers have lost so much weight! I’m excited to see what they look like now. I won’t be watching “live” with America, because I can’t always schedule my life around America’s live weigh-ins. But I will watch it soon, I’m sure.

Prediction: Rudy will be hot. Rudy has always had beautiful eyes (so glad he always wears the blue shirt!) and great hair. If he is not hot I will be in trouble, because I keep telling my sister that Rudy is the fat-guy version of her boyfriend. (Her very good-looking boyfriend!) (Forgive me!)

Rudy was my favorite for most of the show (after Abby got kicked off… how could you not love Abby?), but after last week’s home visits, I found new love for Danny and Liz. Poor Liz lived in the booniest of boondocks (her mailbox was a MILE from her front door!) all alone while her husband went off to who-knows-where for work. And she was having problems with her marriage! Sad.

Danny won my love when he had a breakdown (during a workout with Jillian, of course) because he thought losing weight would solve his problems at home, but THE PROBLEMS WERE STILL THERE. SOB! And then his wife was sad, because she was afraid that Danny would get too handsome for her. Luckily Jillian was there to do her self-help Jillian thing. (PS Does post-makeover Danny look like TR Knight, John Kerry, or someone else entirely?)

Side note: I think Rudy and Danny are going to need their extra skin removed. Do they do that before or after the finale? Because they usually look totally fit at the finale, but that extra skin removal would be cheating, weight-wise. (And leave huge scars– did anybody else see TLC’s “650-Pound Virgin: The Weight is Over”? No?) (Isn’t that the worst title? Poor guy lost all that weight…)

And Bob was plugging Subway party platters, which Amanda’s friends/family had to pretend wasn’t the worst, chintziest party food possible. Yum yum, Subway party platters. Totally reminiscent of, like, going to some boring college event sponsored by the Geology department. Free Subway for everyone who comes to the lecture about volcanic crust!!!

I really hope that Rudy doesn’t end up like that deli-working guy, who looked grrrreat at his finale and has since gained all the weight back. His environment seems most anti-work out. He works 12 hours, has a 1.5 hour commute, and when he gets home his kids leach onto him and beg him not to go to the gym. (His gym looks like a seedy, beat-down Curves. There’s one of each machine, and carpeted floors. I swear. Makes my middling LA 24 Hour Fitness look like freakin’ Equinox.)

And Amanda’s Amanda. She’s nineteen. If Bob liked the ladies, they’d sooo be engaged. And they’d have Subway party platters at their wedding reception. And instead of cake— Extra Polar Ice gum! Or whatever Bob plugged via DVD last week. To curb the hunger!

And that marathon was cruel. Producers, don’t be cruel. A half-marathon would have sufficed. Although… it inspired me to have a little Daily Binge triathlon of my own: 1 mile on the treadmill, 2 miles on the stationary bike, 3 miles in the… um… shower. When I finished, I didn’t get a video of my former self giving me Ghost-of-Christmas-Past messages about never being a lazy sloth again, but… I’m not on TV.

So… what am I even talking about? Yeah. Biggest Loser finale tonight! I love them all! (Except Tracey.) Good job everybody.

Hope they keep the weight off.

xoxo…

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