High Stakes: VAMPIRE DIARIES Episode 107

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
Hellooo, Nurse.

Episode 107 “Haunted” Air Date: 10/29/09

Hey guys. I’m being “haunted” by the common cold (aka my nose is running and I soub like dis), and I’m also dressed like a “Mad Men” character (group costumes are kind of awesome, btw) and at work, so this is hopefully going to be short, sweet, and full of pictures.

Vicki attacks ex-boyfriend and mayor’s-son Tyler Lockwood, but Stefan & Damon swoop in like a couple of vampire hunters (kind of ironic) and subdue her, and Damon erases Tyler’s memory.

Elena comes over to Stefan’s house to see how Vicki is, even though at the end of last episode she acted like she was DONE. I get the distinct feeling that every even episode Elena’s going to tell Stefan that she’s DONE, and every odd episode she’s going to tell him that she can’t ignore her FEELINGS for Stefan (see: end of this recap).

With Elena by his side, Stefan teaches Vicki some vampire lessons. For example: Vampires drink coffee because something about caffeine making their blood flow, and because it helps them feel warm to the touch. (THANK YOU for explaining that one.) (How much coffee would you have to drink, for that to work out? Constant coffee? Like an IV drip of coffee?)

Wait, wouldn’t caffeine constrict your veins? And make you feel cold to the touch? I’m not a scientist or anything. I took biology a while ago. All I know is, caffeine makes my heart beat like a hummingbird’s. But… vampires are dead. They don’t have heartbeats. And they’re made up. Why am I trying to logick this?

Stefan says, “Coffee is our friend,” which is kind of a nerdy way of saying it. Nerd! Vicki flounces out because she has to pee, and why does she have to pee if she’s dead? It’s a funny moment. Having to pee is so pedestrian, and such an inconvenience. One of the perks of the afterlife ought to be not having to pee. Sorry, I was about to suck your blood, but I REALLY GOTTA PEE.

Then again, if vampires drink coffee all the time, they WOULD have to pee. Coffee is a major diuretic. (But the pee thing is a false alarm, so… where is all the built-up coffee going?) (Every answer just brings about more questions!)

Vicki asks Stefan if he ever drank human blood, and he’s very awk awk/not now, in front of Elena. She’s totally the human/elephant in the room. (And a lovely elephant, at that.)

Oh yeah, and Vicki threatens Elena, and grabs her throat, and is like, “You broke my brother’s [Matt’s] heart, bitch!” And Stefan tells Elena to keep Jeremy away from Vicki, because vampires often confuse love and lust with hunger. I think it’s awkward for Stefan to tell this stuff to Elena, given that… it all applies to him, too.

Vicki called Matt to tell him that she was okay, and Jeremy was part of some sort of Vicki search party. Damon showed Vicki that she could run really fast, so Vicki ran home to Matt. Jeremy and Elena were at home, too, and no parents or guardians were anywhere, and then they were all at the high school’s Halloween haunted house. And everyone explained Vicki’s weirdness by saying, She’s high. Because that’s a good excuse for everything.

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
Talk to the severed hand.

It was all last-minute, so Matt and Elena both wore last year’s costume, from when they were dating. Awkward! (Also awkward because… it’s like sexy ironic bloody hospital wear, and in the year since last Halloween both Elena and Matt have been logging hours at the hospital due to fatal car accidents/sister attacks).

Matt re: Vicki’s costume: “You can’t miss her. She’s a vampire.” GET IT!?!

And Stefan was there, to try to subdue Vicki. Because she’s an addictive personality, and also a blood-thirsty vampire. But Vicki didn’t want to be subdued. She wanted to make out with Jeremy. Jeremy’s costume was his emo, grandson of Steve McQueen self.

So emo right now.
So emo right now.

Vicki kept trying to indicate that Stefan was a creeper, so that Matt would keep him away from her. But Stefan was just trying to help, so he had to do a little bit of Regulating.

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
You can't handle the truth!

Over at Mystic Grill, the Lockwoods were slummin’ it in their usual booth, looking all 1920s-style, worrying about whether the vampires knew what was Up. Of course, Damon was there listening. The Lockwoods were not so hot on each other, so Mayor L left his wife with her martini and took off for some Halloween party where all of the absentee parents and guardians of Mystic Falls must be trapped, HOCUS POCUS-style. Nice husband.

Damon flirted with Mayor Lockwood’s desperate housewife, who was appropriately dressed as The Great Gatsby‘s Daisy Buchanan, minus the very-important blonde hair. Maybe that was a wink to the fact that Elena was blonde in the novels, and people apparently flipped over brunette Elena? I don’t know. All I know is that my blonde dog is named Daisy, as in Daisy Buchanan. That’s right. Somebody get her a drink. And don’t let her get behind the wheel. (Mabel!)

Sorry. Literature.

So Damon drinks (alcohol’s another major diuretic– somebody get on this do-they-really-pee? situation) and flirts with Lady Lockwood to get info on “The Council” and what they know about vampires. He tells her that he’s a Salvatore, and we find out that nobody knows that Zach is dead. (He’s “out of town.” What a nice euphemism.) (And he was on The Council.)

Damon reveals that he knows about the vervain. (And he realizes that Lady L is wearing a vervain-filled bracelet.) “I’m a Salvatore,” he says jauntily, when Lady L looks surprised that he knows about vervain. I like Damon’s human impression almost as much as Vampire Eric’s.

Apparently The Council is comprised of dumb-dumb-heads, because… Stefan and Damon Salvatore, lady! Look at the original Founder’s Day scroll! But no, because everyone who went to the Founder’s Party was ruled non-vampire, because it happened during the day.

So Vicki took Jeremy out near some school buses and tried to suck some of his mouth blood, and ended up tossing Elena around and sucking some of her shoulder-blood.

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
Ow.

I read that they filmed this scene two ways, and originally Jeremy staked Vicki and she turned to dust. But in the aired version, Stefan stakes Vicki, then removes the stake, and she just sits there like a normal corpse. But either way, Vicki done got staked! Which is good, because… too much Vicki. Sorry, Vicki. It was good to learn some vampire rules, though. Thanks for that.

In hindsight it makes perfect sense that Vicki would get staked. But in the moment it was like, WHOA. Shock. But I wish she would have turned to dust or exploded or something. Just lying there like a regular dead person was kind of anticlimactic.

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
Ding dong, the Vic is dead.

Damon comes to dispose of the body, and Elena tries to start a fist fight or something. She doesn’t seem to fault Stefan for staking Vicki, but she’s definitely pissed at Damon for turning her into a vampire who needed a staking. She pushes him, and slaps him in the face (AGAIN). What’s up with people punching and slapping each other on the face on vampire shows? “True Blood” season two was like a punch-in-the-face a-thon.

Damon tells Elena to get out of there with her bleedy bloody wounds (yum) before he loses his temper, and she runs into Matt, who is looking for Vicki. AWK. “You’re a good brother,” Elena says, and SOB. “Maybe Vicki went home,” Matt guesses, and he’s right if we’re being euphemistic again.

Oh yeah, Caroline makes witch-Bonnie dress as a witch, complete with Damon’s amber jewel. He tries to take it back from Bonnie, but the jewel BURNS his hand. Intense. Bonnie and her firepower. Witch-Grandma (who teaches Occult at the local university, LOL), reveals that the jewel used to belong to Bonnie’s witch ancestors, and now it’s back. (For now.)

Also, Bonnie wore a blonde wig as part of her witch costume, which was tres weird. The one time I tried to dress witchy for Halloween (basically like a generic Morticia), I died my hair BLACK. Not blonde. Bonnie should give that wig to Lady Lockwood, so she can be a better Daisy Buchanan. Just sayin’.

Elena asks Stefan to erase Jeremy’s memories about Vicki’s death. Between the parents and Vicki, Jeremy’s rightfully saying, “Is EVERYONE I love going to die?” I still don’t get why he loved Vicki, other than the hot bod and the drugs, but I guess that’s enough for some people. Damon steps up to do the memory-erasing.

Elena and Stefan wait outside, and Elena says that she wishes she could have her memory erased, too. But NO, because she still has has feelings for Stefan. Awww. It looks like they’re finally going to kiss again, but Damon interruptus at the last second. Jeremy just thinks that Vicki ran away, never to return. Because that’s not traumatizing? I guess it’s LESS traumatizing.

And that’s that. Once again, we leave Stefan pining. (Also… he didn’t have a problem with Elena’s bloody wounds?) (In the pilot she had a tiny cut on her leg, and he had to run away.) (Maybe he’s just used to her by now?) (No, he’s got it bad for her… whatevs.) (Sex drive + vampire= blood drive?)

Next week: Stefan’s birthday? His vampire friend comes to town, and something about how she’s his rebound? And they play pool.

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
Happy birthday to me.

And I also saw a preview scene where Elena tells Stefan to stay away from her. Again. But there’s a scene in the promo where HE walks away from HER?

And there are also a bunch of Damon-and-Elena pictures. Curious!

THE VAMPIRE DIARIES
Truce?

Final thought: The Mystic Falls High School mascot is the Timberwolves. Does that mean that we’re going to have some sort of werewolf action going on? Because I can’t handle anymore werewolf vs. vampire drama right now. It’s getting out of hand. (I’m looking at you, NEW MOON.) (And also at you, “True Blood.” I know it’s coming.)

xoxo…

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