PROJECT RUNWAY: Make a Dress For a Model

Tim frets over Qristyl's first dress.
Tim frets over Qristyl's first dress.

Episode 604, Air Date 9/10/09

This is kind of embarrassing. I actually took notes for this post as I was watching “Project Runway” last Thursday night, but for some reason I never posted it. Probably because… snooze. Design another dress. Blah blah blah. This season hasn’t heated up yet. (Maybe it never will…)

But I owe you something today, since I didn’t watch “More to Love” last night. So… you’re getting this half-assed, week-old “Project Runway” recap. Mazal tov.

Heidi announces that it’s down to thirteen designers. This week they will be working with “thirteen women who know what they want.”

“It could be anything,” Nicolas interviews. “It could be homeless people to… Eskimos…” I WISH it were Eskimos! Construct a couture dress out of blubber!

It turns out that the clients are their models. “The Models of the Runway.” They need an outfit for an industry event. Snooze. But they have to finish it by midnight! The designers and their models have “thirty minutes to caucus.”

Ugh, I SO SICK of these normal-design challenges. Make a dress that a model can wear? Is that really a challenge? Seriously? When are they going to have to make something out of garbage, or seaweed?

Johnny is pumped. “Emarie and I have the same style,” he interviews. (Yes, her name is Emarie, pronounced like the letter E and then Marie.) “It’s like designing something for myself if I was a black girl.” Riight.

Qristyl’s model wants something to “show off her curves.” Um, these are runway models. Do they have curves? (No.) (Also, I am going to call her Q, because spelling her name boggles my mind.)

Irina’s model isn’t sure what she wants. Louise is with Fatma the Annoying Model. Fatma wants red, but Louise wants to do black and gold.

Shirin doesn’t like her model’s taste (Ebony). Ebony wants a royal blue and gold jumpsuit. “That’s not me at all.” Yeah… that sounds awful.

Logan’s model, Kojii wants a 1950s look, with lace or leather. It’s out of Logan’s element. What is Logan’s element, anyway? Can’t he just work that stuff into his aesthetic?

Tim’s crits:

Althea calls a smoking jacket a “cigarette jacket.” Haha. Christopher says that his model wants to accentuate her small waist. Ugh, models.

Epperson says that Matar wants “flowy strong punk cocktail tiger.” Tim and Epperson are confused. But Tim likes the dress, so far. “Just… be Epperson.”

Tim thinks Q’s outfit looks messy, “like [the model’s] been rolling around in bed.” It’s really bunchy.

Logan is worrying over his not-quite-1950s-punk dress. “I don’t want it to look like a Smurf prom dress,” he frets. “Don’t use that word again!” Tim admonishes Logan. He adds, “You have a conundrum. you really do.” UH OH.

Carol Hannah is making a pretty purple and black dress. Once again, a model who wants her waist emphasized. I think that there is some joke about wasting away that I could insert in here, if I cared more. Tim worries: “Is this design robbing your model of her youth?” Hahaha. Does this dress possess supernatural evil powers?

We don’t see him crit Irina or Shirin… or anyone else i didn’t mention.

Epperson talks to his family on the phone and cries… aw, he misses them.

Q scraps her dress and came up with something else… a little black dress. Oh wow, originality plus!

Model fittings..

Matar likes Epperson’s judgment. He doesn’t know why he worried so much, since celebrities have trusted his judgment. It’s sort of a name-dropping moment, minus the names.

Althea’s model loves the dress, but Althea worries she doesn’t have time to do all the tailoring.

Logan worries about his “gothic Cinderella” dress. He doesn’t want people looking at her for the wrong reasons.

Nicolas: his dress is 85% done. “I am a complete wreck as usual.”

Shirin’s garment is still in pieces. “But she trusts me,” Shirin interviews, about her model. “And… I hope she trusts me.” Ha.

Runway Day:

Logan wears silver pants and silver shoes. He hopes it will distract Heidi from looking at his dress. “I pleased my client,” he says. “But at the same time, it’s not really my aesthetic… they’re either gonna love it or they’re gonna hate it.”

Q talks about her dress. “It’s a simple, chic black dress.” Uh oh?

“Please use the Macy’s accessory wall thoughtfully,” Tim says. Oh, Tim. I love you most.

Althea interviews that with her dress, Tanisha got a 3-piece outfit. Impressive? Irina thinks Althea’s outfit looks like crap.

Nicolas thinks Epperson and  Johnny will be in the bottom three. But Christopher could see the judges hating or loving Epperson’s dress.

Runway show:

The judges: Marc Bouwer, who looks kind of like a 1970s Andy Warhol, or Hansel from ZOOLANDER? (It’s hard to pin it down, but his look is odd.) Zoe Glassner is in for Nina Garcia. (I think she works for Marie Claire.) Lastly (other than Heidi), there’s Jennifer Rade, who does something for Angelina Jolie (picks out her clothes, I guess). Where is Michael Kors? I miss him.

i think Nicolas’ dress is ugly, but he loves it. Good for him. Most of the outfits look okay. Dresses on the runway, whoop a doo.

Top 3:

Carol Hannah’s purple/black dress. Juxtaposition of soft/hard is the core of her aesthetic. But Heidi is more interested in CH’s Southern-ness. “Did you say ya’ll?” Heidi asks, mystified.

Epperson’s leopard-ish dress. “Do you feel like you have a kitty cat inside of you?” Heidi asks Matar, upon hearing that Matar asked for an animal-inspired dress. Heidi wants boob help for Matar up top. “Maybe I’ve been working for Victoria’s Secret for too long,” Heidi shrugs, when another judge says it’s okay.

Althea’s smoking jacket ensemble. Jennifer and Zoe want it NOW. And her model had best walk?

Bottom 3:

Logan’s… looks too “prom.” But his wearing-silver tactic worked, because Jennifer says, “You’re really cute and i like your pants and sneakers.” I want you NOW.

Johnny’s dress. Heidi calls it bridesmaid. Everyone agrees that it’s “wearable,” which Zoe calls, “A blessing and a curse in the fashion world.”

Q’s little black dress. “You’ve just aged her ten to fifteen years, which for the model world is like dog years,” Heidi says. Heidi’s stepping up the Hahas in Michael Kors’ absence.  Q is criticized for being too safe. Valerie (model) likes the dress, but Jennifer says, “That’s why you’re not a designer. Thank God.” BURN. Jennifer is the Simon Cowell of the week!

The judges say that Matar looks like she was painted in the dress. Marc says that Epperson “needed a no-boob model. Many of them out there, who are very famous.” Haha! He adds a kindly, “Not you, Heidi.”

Althea wins the challenge. I didn’t love it, but… I don’t dress Angelina Jolie for a living, so what do I know?

Q gets out… now I’ll never have to worry about how to spell her name again.

Next on: The fabric is going to be… newspaper? Something black and white. PLEASE let it be something other than regular old fabric.

I didn’t record “Models of the Runway.” Oops! I thought Valerie returned and was voted off (again) last week. But she modeled for Q tonight? Maybe I’m crazy. Maybe I have my weeks confused. I don’t know. Who cares? Obviously I don’t, since this recap is a week late.

I’m guessing that “Models of the Runway” was all about the models wearing their dresses to that industry event, which was probably staged. And one of the models probably drank too much. That always happens. Woo hoo.

Oh wait, I remembered: Matar’s model-best-friend (Erica, but not the Arby’s-commercial one) got eliminated last week, because Epperson chose Matar instead of the friend. And Matar cried, and it was kind of sad. Whew, now you know.

Also, the week that Malvin was eliminated, I should have called the post “Bye Bye Birdie.” Get it? Get it???


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