Tasty TV Morsel: Zach Galifianakis on THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH CONAN O’BRIEN

Zach is sitting pretty, while Conan looks "strangely intense."
Zach is sitting pretty, while Conan looks "strangely intense."

(Do you like the screengrab? I grabbed it myself! This is a really exciting step for the blog.)

I love Conan O’Brien. I love Zach Galifianakis. (I am actually considering seeing G FORCE. Bad life choices, but we all do stupid things for love. DATING IN THE DARK!) (On second thought, I have HBO. I can wait.) When I heard yesterday that Zach was on Conan… no brainer. “I gotta set the DVR,” I told my roommate. “We’re gonna have a good time tonight!” She just moved in with me last week, but already I know that she’s going to be in my wolfpack.

Also, can anyone confirm that roofalin is not the real scientific term for roofies? I learned in school that “roofie” is slang for Rohypnol, and Wikipedia agrees. Is Rohypnol trademarked? Did the writers change it to roofalin just to (spoiler alert) foreshadow the whole roof thing? And because roofalin sounds sillier? Or did somebody really think that “roofie” is short for roofalin? Because if you google “roofalin,” all of the results are about THE HANGOVER. Somebody’s playing a joke on somebody. Or something involving a legal department happened. Maybe.

Anyway, the point of this post is KUDOS to whoever is styling Zachie G (that’s what the kids are calling him now). (No it’s not.) He looks really great with the trimmed beard (did he dye his hair/beard darker?), and the blue blazer really brought out his eyes (although this picture is not the best illustration). He was a rumpled wild card in THE HANGOVER, but the “real” Zach (which, knowing him, who really knows?) seems to be a polite, thoughtful North Carolinian. And handsome. A fox, even. (Uh oh fox, watch out for that wolfpack.)

Also, great shoes. Maybe Zach is styling himself. Whoever is responsible, A+. (Although–and this could be my TV screen–but I’m not entirely sure what’s going on in the eyebrow department.) Knowing “Hollywood,” you were probably at the top of your class, Mr. or Ms. Stylist. In medical school. At NYU. But that was just for kicks. And now you pick out kicks for actors. (“Kicks” is what the kids are calling shoes these days. And also, drugs.) And it’s probable that you make a lot more money picking out Zach’s clothes than you would have made as a pediatrician. (Good life choices? Strange Hollywood truths?) (PS I am obviously goofing, because I’m an aspiring writer. Worst life choices. Wait… maybe I’m just a writer now. Is this a blog, or an aspiring blog? You tell me, I’m confused.)

I was laughing at the part about Zach’s mom not loving the content of THE HANGOVER on first viewing, because… well, I just hope my mom doesn’t read my True Blood recaps. Mothers, don’t let your children grow up to say vulgar things in front of an audience.

I really wish that I didn’t care so much about whether or not I might be offending people. I am so averse to creating controversy. Notice all the apologies? I need to rip a page out of Zach’s book. And when he says, “Hey, why’d you do that? I was reading that page.” I’ll say, “Did I offend you? Was that controversial? Oh wait, I don’t care.” (But I will. I’ll go home and cry.) (Just kidding.) (Am I?) (I would give the page back.) (After I wiped my tears with it.)

Funny to see Zach being interviewed, for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I’m used to watching him interview people on “Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis.” It’s pretty much the opposite of the Tonight Show. Secondly, the last time I watched him being interviewed, he was playing his “twin brother, Seth.” I don’t know how I stumble across this stuff and end up spending an afternoon watching it, but that’s my life. I was actually kind of confused about whether Seth was real, until I found the interview’s blooper reel.

I find “Seth” fascinating because A) he has no beard (commitment!) and B) he doesn’t think that Zach is funny, or understand his act. Seth is a commentary on Zach’s comedy, as told by Zach playing Seth. I love it.

Zach is a great guest on late-night shows. I love this Jimmy Kimmel appearance. (He looks pretty stylish there, too, especially in the “Kids…” clip)

The moral of the story is that Zach Galifianakis is enigmatic and a little bit dangerous and seems to live a double life on all sorts of levels. I’m really interested in performers who create personas (I’m kind of knee-deep in it this week, myself), and I read a great New York Times article that went into all sorts of detail about his life and his act. What stuck with me the most after reading the article was the description of his delicate hands (I have tiny hands, too! Celebrities: just like us), and the fact that growing his beard turned out to be a very successful step in his career. Not that I’m trying to sneak a bunch of reading assignments into a blog about snacks and TV, but… if you’re interested, check it out. Summer homework, kids! Keeps your minds tarp as a shack.

I guess it’s sort of a “tradition” now to end these posts with a direct address (a “shout out,” if you will). The weird thing about this blog is that people actually read it. (I have been blogging for about eight years elsewhere, and had negative-4 hits a week, and I blog on here for three days and I had OVER 600 hits yesterday alone. But those old blogs were unsuccessful because they were about me, so I’m going to step away now and give this back to my persona.) And by “people actually read this blog,” I mean, the first two Tasty Morsels actually saw what I wrote about them (and/or their families and friends did), which was totally unexpected.

It was also humbling, because I got some lovely feedback. (Speaking of summer reading, Seth wrote a great article about his stint on “Dating in the Dark.”) The power of words! I love to be a snark and I think that’s what I’m supposed to do here, so I need to put down this corndog now (I don’t eat corndogs!). Every time I say the word “humbling,” another corndog gets its wings. But I just wanted to say, thanks for reading and thanks for commenting, and everything is always in good fun. And the Tasty Morsel segment is always about somebody I like (er, appreciate…), so it’s embarrassing if they come across it in an I’m-blushing way more than an I’d-better-find-a-lawyer way. (Well, I WOULD like to find a lawyer, if he is single and ready to mingle.)

Obviously Zach is a little bit more high profile (understatement), but it’s Hollwood and I am… maybe even less than one degree of separation from him. So I will do the shout-out, but know that the shout-outs are all in fun, you guys. I am not waiting by the phone for any of you.

Welcome to the future. Waiting by the phone doesn’t even really exist anymore–although agonizing over whether a guy will call or tweet or Facebook message or Text or IM or BBM is worse, because his status says that he’s just chillin’, and he ought to be callin’– because our phones are glued to our hands. We’re always waiting by the phone now and never waiting by the phone now (what’s a land line?). It’s a paradox. (Incidentally, I am getting my first Blackberry tomorrow, also known as plugging into the Matrix. Dear people I used to make eye contact with, It was nice knowing you.)

What’s this post about, again? Where did it start? Oh yeah, Zach Galifianakis was on Conan on Thursday night.

Zach, you’re looking good. But if I ever meet you at a party, I will not be fooled by your blue eyes, delicate hands, and rumpled locks (I enjoy rumpling my locks as well– curly hair is fun!). I will listen to my mom’s party-going advice, which is to cover your drink with your hand at all times. Because even though you may invite me into your wolfpack, or ask me to come to NC with you to meet your “twin brother,” I am hip to your act. We can have a good time without roofalin. I really, really (and then some more) don’t want to wake up the next morning with any missing teeth. (The missing teeth nightmares are bad enough!) (TMI?)

I set out for this post to say, “Zach Galifianakis, your stylist gets an A+. Nice going, you look sharp.” How do I always end up writing a thesis? I should try to convince some university to give me an advanced degree for this. (Hey ASU, what do you think? Oh, my “body of work” is just beginning? Not significant enough? Okay, cool. No big. Just checking.)



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2 thoughts on “Tasty TV Morsel: Zach Galifianakis on THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH CONAN O’BRIEN

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